As You Desire Read online

  Rafi chewed his food with more vigour than necessary. It had been a long time since he’d been so hot for a female. Pure sex, after making love to Sharon, had never measured up and he’d eventually given up on ever recapturing what was in his past. Now, he craved a woman who obviously had something really serious going on with her physically.

  Besides being pregnant.

  He’d only looked at her naked body for a split second, but every inch of her was etched into his brain and he was fairly certain she was pregnant. Maybe that explained the pain she was in. No…he remembered the healthy glow on Sharon’s face, the inner joy clearly evident as she had become heavy with their child.

  Rafi stopped eating, the lump in his throat suddenly too large to allow food to pass. So much time had gone by and, although the pain of his loss had faded to something tolerable, the guilt over losing his family weighed him down, threatened to suffocate him if he dwelled too long on the past.

  He swallowed hard as Lona entered the dining room.

  She looked radiant in the yellow sundress. The soft material clung to her curves, adding to her feminine silhouette. The bodice…the bodice of the dress was a little tight. Rafi could make out the outline of her nipples beneath the fabric.

  She wasn’t wearing the bra he’d given her.

  “I guess you were right about the size eight. I’m a little fuller in places than I realised.”

  Her husky voice was filled with embarrassment.

  “You look great. How do you feel?” He got up, pulled out a chair for her and got a sweet whiff of her hair as she pulled the long tresses over one shoulder to sit down.

  “Better.” Lona exhaled wearily as she picked up her fork. “I’m sorry you had to witness that whole scene in the bathroom.”

  “I’m just glad I was here for you.”

  He watched her take a bite of the fruit salad, feeling the tension coming off her in waves. “Is the pain related to the pregnancy?”

  Real tactful, Rafi.

  Lona coughed, her eyes widening as she looked at him. Her cheeks once again turned a beautiful shade of pink as she set her fork down.

  “I’m sorry. You are pregnant, though, right?”

  No sense dancing around the issue. He wanted to know what was going on with her. He needed to know if he was going to help her.

  Always the unwanted hero.

  “I’m almost four months.”

  Rafi noticed the lack of joy in her eyes as she reached for her orange juice. He didn’t

  need magical powers to deduce she wasn’t thrilled about the pregnancy.

  “Honestly, I don’t know if what I’m feeling has anything or everything to do with

  this…baby.”

  She said the last word as if it was a foreign term.

  “What does the pain feel like?”

  Lona dropped her gaze to fiddle with the cloth napkin beneath her silverware. A minute of silence passed between them with only the sound of the wind and the

  waves filling the room.

  “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but you can trust me. Despite what

  you were charged with before the High Council, I know you’re a female of honour.” She gave a bitter laugh.

  “You also know I betrayed your best friend.”

  “That was a long time ago and he’s forgiven you—you helped to save his wife’s life.” Lona picked up her fork and took another bite of the fruit salad. “And she helped to

  save mine. I’m glad Vander is happy. He deserves it.”

  Rafi finished his eggs as he nodded. More than anything, he wished he could take the

  sadness out of her beautiful eyes. “Everyone deserves to be happy. Bacon?” Lona took a slice and nibbled it with obvious delight.

  Rafi imagined she must’ve endured some wretched meals while awaiting her hearing

  with the High Council.

  “Do you think everyone gets what they deserve, Rafi?”

  The question was asked in the lightest of tones, but he could almost see the burden of

  guilt resting on her shoulders.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m probably the last person to ask those types of

  philosophical questions. Besides, you never answered the question I asked of you.” Lona met his gaze, her cinnamon-honey eyes devoid of all expression. “You wanted to know what the pain feels like, but I can’t explain it. My whole body

  feels twisted inside out. Other times I feel like I’m being stuck with a hot poker in my head

  and all over my body.”

  Rafi stopped chewing as Lona went back to fiddling with her napkin.

  “At first, I thought it was the usual morning sickness kinda thing…but this is

  something else.” Lona turned her head and stared out of the window. “I know it is.” “You don’t have to convince me—I was in the bathroom with you. You were

  completely out of it. I think you need to be seen by one of the elfin midwives.” Lona whipped her head around to look at him.

  “I can’t go back there—I won’t.”

  Rafi remained silent as she finished the bacon and reached for another strip. “What are your other options?”

  “I’ve got some money. I can find my way on this side. I don’t ever want to go back.” “You’re prepared to leave the only place you’ve known as home for good?” Lona lifted her chin and shrugged. “It was Rue’s home, not mine. There’s nothing there

  for me.”

  “The doctors here may not be able to help you. Have you considered that?” He could see the tension returning to her shoulders as she picked up her fork and took

  a bite of her eggs.

  “I know you’ve considered the possibility that something otherworldly is happening to

  you. You’re carrying Rue’s baby—”

  The shrill sound of Lona’s flatware falling to the table filled the dining room. “Lona?” Rafi asked, blinking in surprise as she pushed her chair away from the table. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the idea of carrying Rue’s—”

  Rafi sprang from his chair as Lona gasped and pressed a hand to her stomach. She

  doubled over in obvious agony as he rushed to help her, but she waved him away. He felt

  helpless watching her wince as she sucked in huge breaths. Tears glistened in her eyes as he

  stepped behind her and grabbed hold of her arm despite her protests, steadying her on her

  feet.

  What the hell is wrong with her?

  Several minutes passed as she breathed through the tremors of pain. When the worst of it seemed to be over, she sagged against him.

  “Lona, please. I’ll go with you, but you need to be seen by one of the elfin midwives.” Rafi kept his eyes on the rapid rise and fall of Lona’s chest. He was ready to take her to the midwives whether she agreed to go or not. “They’ll be able to help you—I’m sure of it. I give you my word I’ll bring you back if that’s what you want.”

  He could feel her trying to control the shudders racking her body.

  “I—it is. I just want a normal life.”

  Rafi resisted the urge to hug her as she pulled her arm free of his grasp. He knew exactly the kind of life she longed for, had hungered for the same things for years until he had realised a certain truth.

  There was no normal life for their kind.

  “Let’s go now. I want to get this over with.” Lona straightened her posture and drew in a deep breath.

  “I’m so glad you agreed to go.”

  “Were you going to drag me there kicking and screaming?”

  “Not kicking.” Rafi hoped his attempt at levity would get him a smile, but Lona only sighed.

  “I feel like screaming right now.”

  “The midwives are gentle and kind.”

  Lona looked up at him. “Can we just get this over with?”

  “Very well. I’ll get us there in a nanosecond.”

  Rafi held out his hand and Lo
na took it.

  “Can you promise me that I won’t run into any members of the High Council?”

  In the depths of her hazelnut eyes, Rafi could see the trepidation wearing her down despite her strong front.

  “I’ll take you directly to Niri’s home. She’ll know what to do.” He glanced down at her bare feet. “You’re gonna need some shoes. Size seven?”

  “Eight.”

  Rafi lifted his other hand and, with a thought, produced a pair of sandals.

  Lona blinked in the wake of the bright sphere of light fading between his palms. “We don’t have to go to an official portal to go back?”

  “No need. There’s never any restriction for genies returning home.”

  Lona shook her head. “I didn’t know. Rue was always so busy trying to get as far away from the High Council as possible.”

  No reason to tell her that the High Council would demand to know whom he brought back over with him. There would be no way to hide the extra energy needed to teleport Lona to the other side with him.

  Rafi watched her take a seat and bend over to strap on her sandals. Her hair fell to the floor, blocking his view of her face in a luminous ginger cascade of waves.

  “Being a Djinn isn’t easy, but forsaking what we are for our own needs goes against the Djinn Brotherhood and disrupts the balance between worlds. Rue, and the actions of the rogues, are the reason the High Council has cracked down on all genies teleporting between dimensions when not summoned and without express permission.”

  “Do you feel trapped?”

  Every day.

  Chapter Four

  Rafi shrugged as he buttoned his shirt, pushing back the urge to answer her question honestly.

  “What I feel is truly irrelevant. It doesn’t change what I am. What I must do.”

  He looked away from the solemn stare pinned on him, stuffing his own feet into his sandals.

  “I always understood why Rue hated answering to someone about his whereabouts. I just don’t understand how he convinced me of his methods…”

  Her soft voice drifted away as shame and confusion played across her face. Rafi wanted to take away that part of her life she was so ashamed of. He wished he could get a do-over for his own life.

  You’d need your own frickin’ genie for that one! Gotta love the irony.

  Rafi bit back a curse.

  He and irony were the best of friends…went waaay back.

  “Lona, you can’t change the past and you shouldn’t let it direct your future.” He held out his hand, feeling like a fraud because he sure as hell couldn’t follow his own damned advice. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

  Lona took a deep breath before placing her slender fingers into his palm. “Let’s do this.” Rafi breathed in her sweet scent as she stood and smiled. “Just close your eyes—we’ll be there in a flash.”

  Lona complied, taking a step closer to him as she shut her eyes. A sardonic grin graced her lips. “I know how it works.”

  Rafi closed his own eyes as he concentrated on seeing Niri’s quaint home in the Shere Forest. He felt Lona squeeze his hand as the surge of energy passed through them, changing, shifting their molecules as they teleported through to another dimension.

  Rafi walked away from Niri’s place, through the forest clearing, with the intention of staying close by. He hadn’t liked the uneasy look in Lona’s eyes. It was only because Niri and Simla had insisted that he couldn’t be part of whatever they were going to do to help Lona that he’d left. He knew the elves would take excellent care of her—Niri had given her word and she could be trusted.

  The beautiful elf radiated kindness and gentleness. Niri had never expressed her feelings to him, but Rafi knew she had been hurt when Vander had fallen in love with Karis. Her dinner invitation sprang into his head. He hadn’t been sure he’d accept, but sharing a meal with a friend would be a welcome change to the norm.

  Just good food with a good friend.

  It had been a long time since he’d shared a meal with a woman. Breakfast with Lona had reminded him how nice companionship could be. Dinner dates didn’t fit in with his ‘no wining, no dining, nothing complicated’ mantra. He was a genie. His life was complicated enough without romantic hassles. His sparse sexual conquests had been just that—sex.

  Rafi wondered how Lona was doing. She’d seemed a bit in awe of Niri’s almost regal elegance. Niri had that initial effect on everyone, until they found out that she was nothing but gracious. She had been totally ready to help Lona, no questions asked, welcoming them both into her home as she called her elders for assistance.

  An image of Lona twisting one long strand of hair around her finger popped into his mind. It was clear she was on edge, and he couldn’t say he blamed her.

  How easy could it be to carry the child of a man you despised?

  He wondered if she was even aware of the nervous gesture. Thank goodness she’d calmed down after the cup of tea Niri had served her. The elf had probably fixed a special herbal blend to help her relax. She was notorious for her magical brews.

  Lona had even laughed at something Niri had said, becoming genuinely engaged in the conversation. Rafi had taken his leave once more female elves had arrived, resisting the urge to caress Lona’s face as she stared up at him with those soulful, brown eyes.

  He’d always been partial to beautiful eyes. That one feature was what had drawn him to Sharon.

  Rafi cursed as the thick bracelets around his wrists heated up. The dark metal pulsed and glowed in a manner that only meant one thing—the High Council was summoning him. Now.

  There was no time to do anything as he was forcibly teleported before the members of the High Council.

  Rafi bowed his head out of respect before lifting his face up to the half-circle of highbacked chairs in which the council members sat, watching him.

  What the hell do they want?

  “Rafi, it’s been a long time.”

  Shit.

  He knew that voice. He heard it often in his dreams—or rather, nightmares.

  Maurelle.

  It had been a long time since he’d seen the female Djinn who’d given him the choice that had changed the course of his life many, many years ago.

  Breathe in…breathe out…

  Rafi forced himself to meet Maurelle’s gaze without hesitation as he waited to hear whatever she was about to say. He knew without a doubt that it would force his life down another path yet again.

  “It has come to our knowledge that Lona left with you last night, and returned a little over an hour ago.”

  Rafi remained silent as she searched his face.

  “We’ve brought you here to ask that you keep her in your care until after her child is born.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He could feel the blood draining from his face. This was the last thing he’d expected Maurelle to ask of him.

  “The High Council has not formally charged Lona with any wrongdoing, in part because of Vander and Karis’ compelling statements on her behalf, but we want to be sure her alliances are as she has implied.”

  Translation—the majority still thought Lona was guilty as sin.

  “You will not be bound to your vessel while you do this task for us.” Maurelle reached out and touched his shoulder. “Convince Lona she’s in need of your protection until we are satisfied of her alliances and have confirmed that Rue hasn’t found a way to escape from the dimension he’s trapped in.”

  Rafi stared at Maurelle. Their gazes locked and held as the rest of the High Council members waited in silence for his response. It was ludicrous. Him ‘protecting’ Lona, keeping close to her for the rest of her pregnancy? He didn’t know the first thing about caring for a pregnant woman.

  But you’d be free from playing genie for a while.

  The thought was very tempting. He hadn’t experienced life like that in so long. “You can refuse,” Maurelle said softly, as if she could read his mind.

  Maybe she could�
��he never had learnt what extra-sensory powers she possessed. “What happens if I do?”

  Maurelle turned from him, her long, hunter-green robe trailing as she went up a few

  stairs to take the only vacant seat among the other High Council members. “We’ll choose another Djinn for the task.”

  Rafi tried to picture another genie staying close to Lona, protecting her…holding her

  when she had one of those painful attacks.

  Unthinkable.

  “I’m in.”

  Maurelle smiled. “Excellent.”

  She stood, along with each member of the High Council as if they were one body, and

  bowed to him.

  Rafi returned the gesture, but not before he had noticed the twinkling glint in

  Maurelle’s eyes—a knowing look that made him believe she could hear every little thought

  racing through his head.

  * * * *

  The soft voices of the elves around her quieted and the gentle hands upon her finally lifted as Lona slowly opened her eyes. The room seemed to spin as she looked up at Niri’s face.

  “Just take some deep breaths. You’re going to feel a little bit disorientated and that’s perfectly normal.”

  Lona nodded, taking several deep breaths. She felt like she was floating on a cloud and part of her wished she could just enjoy the numbing calm she didn’t understand.

  How long have I been lying here?

  The shadows outside told her it was now late afternoon. She remembered feeling a little nervous as Niri had ushered her away from Rafi. Despite her reservations, she’d found herself warming to the elf’s kindness. She’d been led through a garden outside Niri’s home to another ivy-covered structure, which had turned out to be a healing centre of some kind for all the elves and fairies living there.

  The tea.

  Everything after that fragrant cup seemed a little hazy. She remembered Niri reassuring her that all would be well, easily filling in the gaps in their conversation as she’d helped her change into a gossamer robe. The elf had instructed her to bathe in a warm pool and afterwards she’d been placed on a stone table within a room with the climate of a rainforest. Although the air had seemed hot and thick, she hadn’t perspired.