As You Desire Read online

  “I think I should take you back to Niri. She should take a look at you.”

  “No, really—I’m just tired. I had two orgasms on an empty stomach. I just need to eat and sleep.”

  “Are you in any pain?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Rafi—”

  “Fine. I’ll get you something to eat, but if you don’t look any better afterwards…” “I’ll go.”

  “Do you wanna eat in bed?” He gently squeezed her hand as she shook her head. “C’mon…let me pamper you a little. Just relax and I’ll bring your plate in here. We’ll watch something silly on television and just chill out. Sound good?”

  Lona sighed. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  He left her lying back against the pillows and walked purposefully towards the kitchen.

  She looked so weak. After she’d finished eating he was going to suggest that she at least let him use his magic to rejuvenate her body. Niri had explained how the process worked and the effects felt by those involved. He wasn’t worried about getting turned on around her—he already was.

  He just hoped Lona would agree to let him help her. Surely she wouldn’t deny the logic of his suggestion after what had just happened and the intimacies they’d already shared?

  Rafi served them both a generous portion of the quiche before spooning the strawberries into separate bowls. He set their dinner on a tray, along with silverware and two glasses of orange juice, and headed back to the bedroom.

  Lona’s eyes fluttered open when she heard him set the tray on the bedside table. She’d dressed in one of his linen, button-down shirts. The sight of her lying back against the pillows in his clothing, with her long, bare legs stretched out over the duvet, was the sexiest thing he’d seen in a long time.

  “A napkin for you.” He laid the silk across her lap and sat down next to her.

  “Did you taste my quiche?”

  “Not yet.”

  Rafi lifted his fork and took a bite. The smoked ham and savoury cheddar fought for top billing with his taste buds.

  “It’s good…really, really good.”

  Lona’s shy smile made him want to slug Rue for being such an ass to her. It was obvious compliments of any kind had been few and far between—hell, non-existent.

  “Here.” He held up a forkful of quiche for her to eat.

  “I’m glad you like it,” Lona said as she took the fork from him and starting eating.

  I like you more.

  Rafi watched her daintily cut up her quiche before taking another bite. His life hadn’t been easy, but he’d made it through to the other side of dogged depression. The hints of sadness in Lona’s eyes let him know she didn’t yet know if she could believe things would get better for her.

  “How do you feel?” he asked as they finished their meal.

  Lona patted her tummy. “Full.” She smiled at him as she took the glass of orange juice he’d poured for her.

  “Lona, I think you should use my magic now. It’ll make you stronger. Niri said you need to do this in order to get through this pregnancy. After what just happened, I don’t think you should wait any longer.”

  He hated the look of desperation that flitted across her face.

  “I know.”

  Rafi looked at her in surprise. He’d expected an argument, and her willingness to use his magic was a clear sign of her physical exhaustion.

  “So you’ll do it now?”

  “I’ve got nothing else planned tonight.”

  She met his eyes and he felt the need to reassure her.

  “I know what to do.”

  Lona nodded. “I trust you. Go ahead—I’m ready.”

  “Lie down for me.”

  He waited for her to settle back on the bed and caught a glimpse of pink panties.

  Focus on her, not her ass!

  Although, technically, that still counted as part of—

  “Rafi?”

  “Let’s do this.” Rafi moved closer to her. “Unbutton your shirt.”

  “Your shirt.” She winked at him.

  He loved her attempts at humour when he knew she was nervous.

  “Unbutton my shirt and relax.”

  She unbuttoned the shirt, exposing the valley between her breasts as she waited for him to place his hands above her heart.

  Rafi placed his hands in the right position, ignoring the softness of her skin as his fingers grazed the sides of her breasts.

  “Take a deep breath and close your eyes.”

  Lona complied and he did the same, focusing all his power on giving her his energy. His hands heated up as the power within him manifested into blue light that penetrated through his eyelids. He was supposed to sense a connection with her, a joining of bodies that would allow him to know the exact amount of magic she needed.

  There it was. He could feel how scared she was about the baby and the psychic connection with Rue. The weight of her anxiety and tiredness engulfed him as he fed her more and more of his power. Slowly, he sensed her physical strength heightening, climbing higher and higher until he felt nothing at all but his own energy. With a slow breath, he lifted his hands and opened his eyes to see tears running down Lona’s face.

  Holy hell.

  “Lona? Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I feel like a new person right now.” She shook her head, uttering a sob that half-sounded like a laugh.

  “Then why the tears?”

  “That’s the first time in a long while I’ve felt any joy while doing this.”

  Her honey-brown eyes shimmered with wetness, lovely and haunting.

  “Thank you, Rafi.”

  “It was my pleasure.” He buttoned up the linen shirt before stroking her cheek. “You need to get some sleep.”

  “I feel like I could go swim laps in that pool now, but I know I need to rest.”

  They both did. He felt like he’d just run four marathons without any water.

  “Do you want anything else to eat or drink?” He got up from the bed. “Wanna watch some TV?”

  “No, no and no. There is something else I’d like, though.”

  He watched her tuck her hair back behind her ears, combing her fingers through the wavy mass falling around her shoulders as she held his gaze.

  “Name it.”

  “Sleep here with me tonight?”

  “Done.”

  Lona blinked, then grinned as if she’d been unsure of his reply—which was shocking to Rafi.

  He’d move heaven and earth before denying her anything.

  * * * *

  Rue coughed, biting back the urge to gag as he fell to his knees. Never had he imagined dying alone, trapped between dimensions with no way out. He was starving to death, weak and on the verge of desperation—which scared the hell out of him more than the physical condition of his body. The only thing keeping him going was the moments he connected with Lona. Only then did he feel a slight surge in his energy, enough to keep him reaching out to her with his mind.

  Lately, his weakening connection with her felt stronger. He could seek her energy out faster. Nothing like the good ol’ days, when he’d been able to control her with a thought, but still… There was hope. Soon he was confident he’d establish a connection with her and be able to push her to come to him—to help him escape.

  Rue smiled in the perpetual darkness, bolstered by his thoughts.

  A flash of light in the distance drew his attention as he forced himself onto his feet. He sensed the presence of other Djinns—an ability they all had. After all this time, the High Council had finally sent members of the Brotherhood here to bring him back. No doubt to face trial.

  A sliver of dread raced down his throat as he realised they might even consider death for his treachery. He dropped to the ground, searching in vain for a stick, a sharp rock— anything—but there was no weapon to be found. With a frustrated curse, he stumbled to his feet. No way he was goin
g to let whoever was approaching find him on his knees, grovelling in the dirt.

  “Trevori, we can see you. Show us your hands, nice and slow.”

  Vander.

  He’d recognise the voice of the man who’d got him trapped in limbo anywhere. He sensed another presence as he strained his eyes in the inky blackness, anxious to see the two men, but he couldn’t make out any shapes. They were using magic to cloak themselves, for protection against him.

  “C’mon, Rue. Don’t even think of playing us. Your only way outta here is with us babysitting your ass all the way to the High Council’s doorstep.”

  Rage flowed through Rue’s blood as he fought to keep his voice calm. There was no denying the truth of Vander’s words.

  “Relax, my brothers—I will comply.”

  He slowly lifted his hands and squinted as two bolts of brilliant blue light raced towards him, binding his wrists with powerful magic that rendered his own useless. Now he could see Vander and Thane, another rule-following genie he’d only spoken to in passing. The High Council had sent two of their best—the straightest arrows in the bunch of misguided genies happy to live a life of service and imprisonment.

  The smug smiles on their faces made him grind his teeth so hard that a headache began splintering through his temporal lobe.

  That’s all right, boys—smile away. I’ve got a plan.

  * * * *

  Lona woke up to the sound of Rafi mumbling in his sleep.

  “Sharon…no!”

  His gruff voice made her open her eyes. Soft rays of sunshine poured in through the

  windows, making his dark brown hair look black against the pillow. Lona considered waking him, but hated to disturb his sleep. Turning on her side, she snuggled closer to his big, warm body, curving her back into his chest as he wrestled with the sheets around his legs. The contact seemed to help him with whatever dreams he struggled with. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

  “Sharon, I’m so sorry.” Goose bumps erupted over her skin as Rafi’s thick arm tightened around her waist. His deep voice was barely recognisable, filled with resignation and anguish. Lona placed her hand on top of his, over her stomach.

  “Rafi?” She flinched as he sprang up in the bed. He looked at her without blinking, then rubbed his eyes.

  “You were having another nightmare.”

  Rafi exhaled. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “Don’t be. I was already up and I know what it’s like to be plagued by bad dreams.”

  Who is Sharon?

  She wanted to know. The question burnt the back of her throat, but she didn’t want to pry.

  Besides, it isn’t any of my business—right?

  That knowledge didn’t stop her from wondering as Rafi swung his legs out of the bed and stood. He was still naked and Lona swallowed hard as her eyes roved over his hard, lean form. A flash of heat zipped through her as he met her gaze.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Who is Sharon?”

  The blood drained from Rafi’s face and Lona could feel it slipping from hers at the same rapid pace. Her heart skipped a beat as he stared at her.

  How could I ask him the very question I just vowed not to?

  Somehow she knew it was a subject he didn’t want to discuss.

  What had she done?

  “I’m sorry, Rafi—you don’t have to answer that.” Lona watched him snatch a towel from the floor and wrap it around his hips. “It’s just that you’ve mentioned that name twice in your dreams—”

  “Sharon was my wife.”

  Rafi’s eyes were lifeless as he raked a hand through his hair.

  “I lost her a long time ago.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Lona shifted onto her knees and tucked the sheet around her breasts.

  It was obvious the passage of time had done little to heal the deep wounds of his heart.

  “Don’t be.” Rafi attempted to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I regret waking you up so early this morning.”

  “I haven’t slept this well in weeks.” Lona ripped the sheet free from the bed and wrapped it around her body as she got up.

  The moment she was on her feet, a wave of debilitating pressure twisted in her belly, snatching her breath as she gasped. The arc of pain that speared through her was unlike anything else she’d ever experienced—stronger; wickedly agonising. She stumbled back onto the bed, unable to respond as Rafi came to her side.

  She faded into blackness as he lifted her into his arms, thankful for the numbing void where nothing could hurt her.

  * * * *

  “Lona? Open your eyes.” Niri’s gentle voice asked too much of her. She wanted to stay in the warm cocoon she was in, free from her past and uncertain future.

  “Lona?”

  Lona opened her eyes, bracing for pain and finding her body curiously numb. Three other elves stood nearby with what looked like crystals in their outstretched hands. Their eyes were closed as they gently swayed to a beat Lona could not hear. She focused on Niri’s face before searching the room for Rafi. He was by the door, his face drawn as if he’d been standing there for hours.

  Wait…it’s dark outside.

  She’d been out for almost an entire day.

  “Wh—what happened?” She tried to sit and the room began to spin.

  “You need to rest,” Niri said, her low voice full of concern. “Your body has gone through a lot—you need time to recover.”

  Recover?

  The elf’s calm words did not slow down her racing heart.

  “The b—baby?”

  Lona felt the pause in the room, waves of compassion and hesitancy swelling around her as Niri stroked a lock of her hair. Rafi came closer and the other elves backed away as he stepped forward. He took her hand and she knew the answer to her question. She was no longer pregnant.

  Tears flooded her eyes, surprising her. All this time, she’d fought facing the reality of bearing Rue’s baby, unable to separate the tiny life growing inside her from the man with whom she’d become so disillusioned. She’d just needed a little more time to accept things…to deal with the knowledge that he’d been controlling her, using her ability as a conduit for psychic energy.

  Lona wrenched her hand away from Rafi to touch her belly. Her skin felt smooth and soft, the taut swell that had been beginning to emerge gone.

  Oh, God, the baby.

  She’d never uttered a single word to her unborn child. She hadn’t sung any lullabies or offered up any prayers for her baby.

  My baby.

  Lona struggled to breathe as more tears slipped into her ears.

  Despite my feelings towards Rue, the baby was innocent.

  “You’re going to be fine, Lona.”

  So why did she feel like she was hyperventilating?

  Rafi’s hand covered hers, on top of her stomach, and she let out a low sob, overwhelmed by everything—even his tenderness. All she wanted to do was slip back into the peaceful slumber Niri had awoken her from.

  Maybe if she closed her heavy eyelids she could escape.

  Niri touched her forehead. “Sleep now. Tomorrow you’ll feel like yourself. Our magic will have healed your body completely.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” Rafi said, gently squeezing her fingers.

  Lona nodded, averting her eyes from his. She didn’t believe him as her eyelids fluttered closed.

  Chapter Eight

  Rafi continued to pace Niri’s living room floor, unable to relax. The look on Lona’s face had twisted his heart in a million different directions. He knew that…that look of quiet resignation, the acceptance of dreams destroyed and hope lost. It killed him to know she was in that dark place now.

  “Rafi, she’s going to be out for hours. You should get some rest. You look like hell.” “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not—”

  “Damn it, Niri!”

  Rafi held up his hands. “I’m sorry.”
<
br />   Niri shook her head, her voice gentle and understanding. “Don’t be.”

  Rafi released a tight breath. “How did this happen?”

  “I don’t know for sure. Pregnancies can be tricky in the best of circumstances. Lona’s

  certainly wasn’t textbook.” Rafi swallowed hard, hating the question he was about to ask, but needing to know the answer. “Before all of this happened we were…together.”

  Niri stared at him, her face devoid of any expression. The lack of judgement in her eyes made it easier to speak.

  “We didn’t have sex, but we were—”

  “I understand. Don’t think for one second this miscarriage had anything to do with that.”

  Rafi searched the elf’s face, wanting to believe her words as his attention shifted to the closed door leading to where Lona lay sleeping. He couldn’t stop thinking he’d caused this somehow, by wanting to be with her. His mind was filled with erotic images of the two of them on his bed. Being with Lona had awoken something in him he’d thought lost forever. He had wanted to show her how special and beautiful he thought she was. But if he’d been the cause of any of this…

  “Rafi, look at me.”

  He turned his head to meet Niri’s eyes.

  “Nothing you did caused this.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She lifted one perfectly arched eyebrow. “Absolutely.”

  Relief coursed through him as he released a deep breath, even though his heart still felt heavy knowing the pain and loss Lona was going through.

  “What do you think happened?”

  “We believe Rue was somehow able to establish a stronger connection with Lona. That surge of psychic energy between them caused this.”

  “She looks so weak.”

  “But she’s strong. You’ll help remind her of that…hmm?”

  Rafi nodded, having no idea how he’d be able to convince Lona of her inner strength when the light in her eyes had all but faded.

  “Can I at least make you some tea?” Niri asked with a small smile.

  “Tea would be great.”

  “Sugar?”

  “Sugar’s fine.” He watched her turn. “Niri?”

  The blonde elf pivoted to meet his gaze.